What’s More Important—Your Image or Your Truth?

That question hit me hard this morning.

It triggered a memory of my mother, who passed away over 25 years ago. Though she and my father divorced when I was about 20, she wore her wedding ring until the day she died.

Why?

Partly, I believe, out of love. But more so because she wanted the world to see her as a widow, not a divorcée. In her mind, being widowed was more dignified. More acceptable.

Image mattered to her. Deeply.

💔 A Ring That Spoke Volumes

To me, though, that ring meant something else.

I was just 15 when I found the courage to tell her the truth—that my father had been sexually abusing me. Her response?

“He didn’t really do anything. He just wanted to be close to you.”

I told her exactly what he had done. But she couldn’t—or wouldn’t—hear it. She didn’t protect me.

Instead, I began secretly planning how to run away… in a way that wouldn’t bring shame to the family name.

👩‍👧 Years Later, Still Her Ring

Years passed. She eventually divorced and retired. Without the means to support herself, my husband and I invited her to live with us. She helped raise our children.

And yet she still wore that ring.

Every time I saw it, it reminded me of the choice she made: she chose him over me.

Even in death, it felt right that she was buried with that ring on her finger. Because in my heart, she never stopped choosing him over me.

🕊 When Trauma Resurfaces

Why did this come up again today?

Because trauma doesn’t ask permission. It resurfaces in the most ordinary moments—a question, a comment, a smell, a flash of memory.

But with it comes a gift:
✨The opportunity to pause.
✨To reflect.
✨To choose differently.

The sharp pain from that ring has dulled with time. But one question still lingers:

Did she have any idea how deeply it hurt me?

I honestly don’t think she did.

🧠 The Deeper Reflection

And now, it leaves me with a question:

Are we—am I—doing something today that’s silently hurting someone we love?

Are we so focused on preserving our image that we fail to honor the truth—especially the truths of those closest to us?

What will they remember?

Will they remember that we showed up honestly?

That we truly heard them?

That we protected their truth, not just our own reputation?

🧭 Choose Truth Over Image

We can't rewrite the past. But we can fully own the impact we have in the present. That’s how we shape the legacy we leave behind.

So today, I ask you to ask yourself:

What’s more important—looking good to the world or being real for the ones who need you most?

🔗 Do you carry unspoken pain from a parent's choices?

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