What’s More Important—Your Image or Your Truth?

That question hit me hard this morning.

It pulled up a memory of my mother, gone now for more than 25 years. She and my father divorced when I was about 20, yet she continued to wear her wedding ring until the day she died.

I believe she wore it partly out of love, but primarily because she wanted the world to see her as a widow, not a divorcée. In her mind, being widowed was more respectable. More acceptable.

Image mattered to her. Deeply.

But to me, that ring meant something else entirely.

🕯️ A Mother's Choice

I was 15 when I told her the truth—that my father had been sexually abusing me. Her response...
"He didn’t really do anything. He just wanted to be close to you.”

I told her exactly what he’d done. She couldn’t—or wouldn’t—hear it. She wasn’t going to protect me. So I began planning how to run away… in a way that wouldn’t bring shame to the family name.

Years later, she was divorced. Retired. Unable to support herself. My husband and I invited her to live with us. She helped raise our kids.

And she still wore that ring.

Every time I saw it, it reminded me: she chose him over me.

Even in death, it felt right that she was buried with that ring on her finger. Because, in my heart, she continued to choose him over me.

🧠 Why Did This Come Up Today?

Because trauma doesn’t ask for permission.
Memories bubble up in ordinary moments—from simple questions, casual comments, a random smell, or a passing thought. But they offer us a gift: the chance to pause… to reflect… to choose differently.

The pain of seeing that ring has faded. But the question remains:

"Did she have any idea how deeply it hurt me?"

I don’t think she did.

❓ What Will They Remember?

And that leads me to the real question:

Are we doing something today without even realizing it that’s hurting someone we love?
What will they remember about our choices?

Will they remember our truth or our image?

Will they feel seen, heard, and protected or dismissed, silenced, and forgotten?

We can’t change the past. But we can take full responsibility for the impact we have in the present—and the legacy we leave behind.

🌟 Final Thought

So I ask you…
What’s more important?
Looking good to the world or being real for the ones who need you most?